


BE CONCERNED

by SpookyDirt



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, College AU, Depression, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8691340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyDirt/pseuds/SpookyDirt
Summary: Maybe for once in his life Tyler could do something right. And at the same time escape from home. College seemed like a great idea, well, it seemed like an option. Maybe not a great one. But he needed to get out, and to experience something that wasn't just sitting in a dark room and hating himself and his life. But with college comes many struggles, such as roommates, classes, and worst of all: People.





	

Tyler had a pretty normal childhood, he was raised by his parents and homeschooled. He had a nice family, who cared about him. Yet, he still felt… Well he wasn’t sure; it was so hard to describe. Like a mix of every emotion and nothing all at once. He’d felt like that for a while now, and he felt like he couldn’t tell anyone, they had their own issues to tend to. He didn’t want to bother them. But college was coming around the corner, and he had already started packing. He was looking forwards to college, but at the same time he was absolutely terrified, what if everyone hated him, what if they thought he was strange? What if his roommate hated him, what if he thought he was weird and shared all the weird stuff he did to everyone at campus?

Tyler stared off into the nothingness of his bedroom. He sat on his bed, overthinking stuff like always. He couldn’t help it; his head just wouldn’t shut up. He heard a knock on his door, moments later his brother stepped inside. “Hey Zack” Tyler smiled, relieved that his head would leave him alone for a while. “Hey… I’m just…” Zack sat down besides Tyler on the bed. “Man, I just… I can't believe you’re already leaving for college” Zack scratched his neck as his gaze fell to the ground. “No, it's crazy” Tyler stated. “Are you not going to bring your keyboard?” Zack pointed towards the keyboard on Tyler’s desk in front of the window. It was covered in paper and notebooks, filled to the brim with lyrics. “I’m not sure,” Tyler stated “I’m afraid that I’ll just annoy my roommate.” Tyler laughed, but he wasn’t joking. “That’s why I’m here actually!” Zack smiled and ran out of the room. He came back two second later with a gift in his hands. Tyler looked at him with a cocked eyebrow. “What’s that?” “Open it.” Zack handed the gift to Tyler and Tyler began to rip the paper off the box inside. As soon as he’d ripped all the paper off he stood up and hugged his brother. It was a pair of headphones, the best gift you could possibly give a musician. “Is this because you broke my bike that one time?” Tyler joked “nah, I’m just a good brother” Zack chuckled. ”I know, thanks dude, it means a lot” Tyler was still smiling. Tyler had always been close with his family, but since he began feeling worse he hadn’t really talked too much to his family.it made him feel guilty which only caused him to isolate himself even more. “Well I have to go, sorry Tyler” Zack said before leaving. Tyler sighed and walked over to his desk, removed the mess from his keyboard and turned it on. He played different chords and played around a bit. Tyler didn't see himself as a musician, he couldn't even play piano properly. He got the keyboard one Christmas when his mom didn't know what else to give him. But Tyler was thankful for that gift, because one day a few years ago when everything had been too much he’d found it in the back of his closet. He’d tried to copy the songs be heard on the radio, and it inspired him to create his own songs. But he was still convinced that he wasn't a musician. Because a musician was someone who knew what he was doing, someone who was confident in what he created, and Tyler was far from both of those things. But he liked to create music, and to write. But sometimes his lyrics would be too long and he’d have to rap, something he honestly wasn't comfortable doing. Which was okay, because he wasn't a musician. He was just some kid who feared his own head.

Tyler sat in the car on his way to college. His mother was driving, his father sat on the passenger seat and Tyler sat in the back. His face was against the window and he was watching the world almost fly by his eyes, gone as soon as he’d registered it. He was wearing the headphones Zack had given him a few days earlier. He kept on thinking about what life would be like now. He didn't really want to leave; he didn't feel ready. He’d gotten so many anxiety attacks lately because of this too. But he couldn't tell his parents.

**You’re worthless**

The voice would tell him, Tyler agreed. He did feel like a pretty worthless person, if he died, would anyone even react? People would just go on with their lives like usual. People would probably notice, but only because Tyler wouldn't be there to screw everything up, right? He sighed and the window fogged up for a few moments, making Tyler unable to see a thing. He wasn't sure whether he wanted this or not. College was a huge thing, at least it was supposed to be, but Tyler felt all wrong about it. Like when you close your eyes but your eyelashes make it look a little not right. And everything becomes blurry and untrue to what it originally was. That's how he felt about college; Blurry, and a little not right. ”So,” Tyler’s mom began to break the silence “how are you feeling Tyler?” She smiled, Tyler could hear it in her voice. “I’m just a bit nervous” that was a lie, well it kind was and then not really. He wasn't quiet because he was nervous, he hadn't gotten no sleep the last couple of nights because he was nervous. But that's what his parents thought. They thought that all the weird things Tyler had done lately was just because he was nervous. But he _was_ a bit nervous, what if Tyler’s roommate hates him for example? “That’s only understandable” Tyler’s dad said. It made Tyler frown, cause his parents didn't understand the situation at all. Why were they lying to him? It only made him feel worse. He sighed and scratched his arm. He just wanted to turn the car around, to go home, back to his comfortable surroundings. His anxiety levels were getting high, causing him to form a lump in his throat and tears to press on behind his eyes. But he couldn’t cry, not now, especially not in front of his parents.   
  
Tyler often dreamt of being somewhere else, and being someone else, even _something_ else. What if he could function like everyone else for once? What would life be like if he didn’t have anxiety attacks or depressive episodes? Life would be much easier, that’s for sure. He wouldn’t have to worry about his roommate, or about school. Life would be much better when your head wasn’t constantly telling you to kill yourself.

The car pulled into the parking lot of the school, there were only a few parking spots left, was Tyler late? He checked his phone to make sure, no. He had to stop worrying about everything so much, he knew that, but it was hard. He got out of the car and grabbed his duffel bag from the back of the car. It was a beautiful day, it wasn’t too hot or too cold, the sky was blue with only a few clouds dotted across it. A few trees stood around the parking lot, breaking the cold asphalt and making it look nicer. Tyler’s parents got out of the car as well and looked at him, Tyler couldn’t tell if they were sad or relieved that he’d left home. Tyler walked up to his dad and hugged him, when he pulled away from his father he patted Tyler on the shoulder and smiled “be a good kid, Ty.” Tyler smiled back before hugging his mother “I can’t believe you’re already leaving” her voice sounded rather sad, obviously, a parent is never ready for their children to leave for more than a day. “Relax mom, it’s just college” Tyler said with a laugh. Tyler said his goodbyes and left the parking lot, he waved as his parents drove away. He turned around and walked towards the campus, it was a large red brick building. The door was white and made of cheap wood. But Tyler didn’t care, he was just happy to be away from home.   
  
“Alright, room 24…” Tyler said to himself as he looked at the email he’d gotten earlier with information about the campus. He looked around the entrance and saw a map on the wall, he found it both silly and nice that there was a map. The building wasn’t _that_ big. But Tyler finally figured out where to go and went to his room. As soon as he touched the door handle the lump in his throat and the pressure behind his eyes returned. He didn’t want to do this; he didn’t want to step inside. He didn’t-

“Hi!” Tyler jumped and looked behind him. “Shoot, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” A guy around Tyler’s age with faded pink hair and a nose piercing stood in front of him. He had such a warm smile that could probably light up even the darkest days. “I-uh-… Are you Tyler?” The pink-haired guy asked him. “Uh yeah, that’s me. Why?” Tyler was genuinely curios “I’m your roommate, Josh! Uh nice to meet you!” Josh smiled even brighter from one pierced ear to another. Josh stepped behind Tyler and opened the door for him and Tyler let out a small ‘thanks’ as he stepped inside. “I already picked a room, I hope that’s okay? We can easily switch if you want to” Josh said and closed the door behind them. He was so incredibly kind, but that might just be because this was their first day. Josh didn’t exactly look like the kind of guy Tyler would hang out with back home. But then again, who _did_ Tyler hang out with at home anymore?   
Tyler stopped his trail of thoughts and looked at Josh who sat on the ugly green couch with his phone in his hands.   
  
**He’s telling his friends how horrible you are**. **He hates you. He wants you to leave.**  
  
Tyler had to get out of the living room/kitchen. “Um… Which uh… Which room is mine?” Tyler asked, he managed to smile as he did. “Uh… Right there” Josh looked up from his phone and pointed at the door right next to the couch. “Thank you” Tyler said and went to his room. It was a nice room, white walls, a window, grey carpet, a desk with a chair, and a bed. He placed his stuff on the bed and set down on the floor with his back against the bed. Not the most comfortable position but he had to sit down and just breathe for a moment. Tyler wondered if Josh found him weird, or rude. He really didn’t want to come off as such. He just wanted a new beginning, and for people to accept him.


End file.
